I recently read an article in
The Week (April 26, 2013) which suggested we’re still stuck in high
school. When I think of traffic snarls and the TV news, I’m not surprised. When
I think about high school, I’m convinced. High school does something to us,
it’s our first real template for adult action.
Most studies of personal growth focus on the early years,
zero to three. Those are the years when our sensory systems of seeing and
hearing are developing and many believed that all functions developed in the
same manner. But that’s not the way in which the more sophisticated functions
work in executive function and emotional regulation. Laurence Steinberg, a
developmental psychologist, says if you’re interested in how people become who
they are, so much is going on in adolescent years. (And those of you with
adolescents are saying, “Tell me about it…”) Steinberg says our self-image from
those years is adhesive, so too our preferences. Why at 60, he wonders, is he
still listening to the Allman Brothers?
It’s all about our brains, really. Just before adolescence,
the prefrontal cortex—that part of the brain that governs our ability to
reason, grasp abstractions, control impulses, and self-reflect—gets very busy.
This activity allows young adults the intellectual capacity to identify a
notion of a self. However, at the same time, that prefrontal cortex hasn’t
finished developing. It’s still working, adding myelin (a substance that speeds
up and improves neural connections), and until it completes that wiring—in our
mid-twenties—the more primitive, emotional parts of the brain have the greater
influence. That’s when we’re all in high school. Now we know why adolescents
have problems self-regulating and are so dramatic. Everything is more intense.
There is more dopamine activity going on at that time than at any other time in
the human cycle.
If all of this is true, and the scientists would have us
believe it is, Jennifer Senior, the author of the article, claims most American
high schools are sadistically unhealthy places to send adolescents. Robert
Faris, a sociologist, says it’s like putting people in a large box without any
clear predetermined way of sorting status. And status is what it’s all about.
Who am I? Where do I fit? Do I belong? Kids create the hierarchies and too
often from the crudest common denominator kind of stuff like looks, clothes,
and sports abilities. Brene Brown of the University of Houston says most of us
opt for one of three possible strategies for the pain. One, we move away and
hide. Two, we move toward it and become “people pleasers.” Three, we move
against it by using shame and aggression. She believes that whichever method
you chose, it becomes your modus operandi
for life.
In our adolescence, we were quite sure we knew what reality
was. I know I did, but the truth is I didn’t have a clue, was blind and didn’t
know I was. What I really had was a story I told myself.
Maybe we can be grateful for all that adolescent angst. We
did learn to cope. And perhaps some of the worst of adult America looks like a
replay of high school because it’s populated by people who formed their
identities in American high schools. Makes it possible to have a little
compassion for those so damaged by their experience they’ve not been able to
leave it behind or to write a new story and move on. And by the way, have you
gone to your high school reunions?